So much in so little…

This weekend I am visiting my daughter’s school. I have not wrote anything here since Easter, I believe. Alot has happened since then. Our weekly sessions have gone from one sided “Why can’t I come home???” to a more civil conversation of what happened? How did we get to this point? What are we doing to solve our issues? That sort of thing. Now she can have two ten-minute phone calls a week, aside from the therapy phone call. It is nice, and I hear a difference in her voice. They have changed her medication a little, and I have found that once again, a little can do so much. It can take out the dread in her voice. It can lift her shoulders a little higher, and it has. I see it in her this weekend. She walks taller. She has art up and down the school halls, proudly displayed. I have been hugged so many times this weekend and I keep going back for more. The staff and the therapists are all too eager to talk to me and all of the parents. There is nothing to hide here; we are all in the same boat. We talk about dishonesty and distrust. We talk about the anger issues that spread across our households at one time. We all can talk about the sleepless nights and the worrying. The fears, the sadness. We are all the same. It is nice not being alone. Some of these kids will be here for awhile and some will never leave. But my daughter will. She is on her way to learning how to care for others and how her actions affect many. This is the best thing I have ever done, as well as the hardest. I know that when I have to say goodbye tomorrow night it will tear me in two. I am going to try and prepare myself as I lay in bed tonight, but I am pretty sure that there is no way to prepare, just as there was no way back in March to prepare driving away and leaving her behind. I have to keep repeating that I am doing the best for her and now the proof is in front of my eyes. I will come back soon; perhaps in four weeks. I have been so afraid to visit, so afraid of seeing her and pulling her right out, right back to me. But giving in is part of the problem and I am learning to understand this. Today they made us repeat “NO!” over and over again. It is not an evil word. It is not a hurtful word. It is the only word that will save her right now.

I am learning, too.

~ by trinity0909 on June 7, 2009.